


There are some things you can't forgive--and and some things you can

by becky_was_an_understatement



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angry Sam Winchester, Betrayal, Crying Dean, Dean Winchester and Feelings, Feels, Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Sad Dean Winchester, Sam's Eyes, Season 9, Sibling Incest, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-02
Updated: 2015-02-02
Packaged: 2018-03-10 02:34:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3273545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/becky_was_an_understatement/pseuds/becky_was_an_understatement
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean looked down and closed his eyes, feeling a tear drip onto his hands that were folded in his lap. Sam flinched and his heart fell.<br/>He betrayed you, Sam thought.<br/>Dean's lips shined perfectly in the low light.<br/>He broke your trust.<br/>Dean's cheekbones sat like a gods.<br/>He is your goddamn brother.<br/>Dean's eyelashes were long and black, glittering with delicate tears.<br/>Sam couldn't control it anymore.<br/>He reached over and picked deans face up. Gingerly dean raised his eyes to look into Sam's.<br/>"I love you, dean."</p>
            </blockquote>





	There are some things you can't forgive--and and some things you can

There were demons were out there of course. They stared the black eyed bitches in the faces almost every day. But there were also the demons, the darker, deeper ones that seemed to have permanently resided in him. Always. Dean could feel them ripping his insides, hell's memory tearing his flesh, death whipping his heart. There were only 2 ways that he knew to push them down: hitting the bottle and clubs until the entire world seemed dizzy, or... Sammy.  
His hair was wild, untamed the majority of the time. Went in every direction when he woke up but laid perfectly around his beautiful face when it was combed down. It was getting really long and dean teased him about it, how he could go magic for his hair if he just let him put some clippers to it... But his little brother always scoffed and told him to quit it. Secretly, dean didn't really care about the length of Sammy's hair, he just missed his little brother looking so innocent in his old childhood bangs. He missed it when they trusted each other too much, when they would die a million times over to save the other. Dean knew times had changed so of course no haircut could fix crap. Sam's eyes were really something to get lost in: they were gorgeous, full of life, full of the passion and drive that made Sam Sam. His eyes never seemed to make up their mind: sometimes they were green, other times blue, hazel, brown, turquoise... Dean could stare forever. They were his anchor, his hold on reality and what truly mattered. When hellfire raged inside him, the blue of his brother's eyes set out the flames. When the death inside him seemed to not be able to contain itself the brown in Sammy's eyes kept him grounded on earth. Sam's eyes were truly beautiful, even in the opinion of a man who found very little beauty in the world anymore.  
Sam Winchester looked up across the motel room and found dean, who was polishing knives, gazing at him. He quickly looked away but Sam felt a lasting look. He couldn't tell if it was one of love or detest, because with dean it was often difficult to tell between the two. Sam sighed, looking how tough dean tried to be but how weak he really was. They had depended on only each other for so long, lived off of each others well being and prosperity, and sacrificed so much that dean no longer knew what he was giving up for his brother and what he was giving up for himself in his own selfish way. Sam knew that he could have fallen from a million miles up and dean would have told him he would catch him. Sam had trusted him with so much more than his life and he saw now that it was foolish. He had been younger and naive and willing to believe anything his big brother said, but now it seemed impossible to go back to that innocent little dynamic. Dean Winchester is strong, he thought, the best hunter there is. He kills nests of vamps without a grimace, exorcises a demon without flinching, and saves the damsel in distress every time... But he cannot hide how cowardly he is. The killing has become his high to get his mind off of his crippling fear of being alone. He would sacrifice anything and anyone just to not be alone.  
Sam looked over the screen of his open laptop, eyes resting on dean who sat like a sentry in solitude. He looked so confident being solo but Sam knew that wasn't the case. Sam knew he would do anything in his own power to save his brother, but he wouldn't dream of sacrificing and threatening the will and lives of millions just to avoid being alone.  
Deans jawline perfectly defined and covered with stubble. He hadn't slept for a few days. Resisting the urge to tell him everything about anything, Sam went over and put his hand on his shoulder. "You should get some sleep", he said tenderly, "you need rest."  
Dean looked up and the dark circled under his eyes were emphasized. "No thanks, mom. What happened to Mr. Business," Dean asked sharply, pushing Sam's hand away.  
Sam stared into deans eyes. He used every ounce of his body strength to will himself not to lunge at dean, whether to hug him or punch him he didn't know. "I know it's your style to ignore the elephant in the room," Sam snapped, "but I cant trust you anymore. You would sacrifice so much more than I thought you would dare to, including my trust and my own free will. How do you expect us to go on like usual after that?"  
Dean whipped his head up. No amount of sleep deprivation could affect deans stark eyes, now filled with gutting ferocity and pain. "I sacrificed what I needed to keep you alive. You son of a bitch, don't you understand that I had no choice? You were dying Sammy. I was not going to let you, and if that meant you didn't trust me after what I did, hell, if it meant you never wanted to see me ever again, so be it as long as your heart was still beating and your fists still swinging."  
Sam could barely look at him. "You don't know how wrong you are. I was ready to die. You didn't do shit for me, you did it for yourself. I stopped fighting death and you kept pushing only because you couldn't stand the thought of being alone. Do you hear me? I was ready to die; I'm as done as you are." Sam's chest heaved with anger.  
Dean swallowed. He was practically radiating heat. "I get why you don't trust me. I haven't told you the truth when I needed to, I lied, I've done things behind your back, but it was all for you. It's always for you Sammy. So I'm sorry if the instinct flowing through my veins and carried in my bones tells me that I need to protect you no matter what the cost. Don't you dare tell me that is selfish."  
Sam rubbed his eyes and threw his arms up. "It was selfish. It wasn't for me, it was for you dean. You are terrified of facing the world alone. I get that you've lost everything because I have too, but I was ready to die and it was your fear that made you willing to break our own brotherhood for your sake."  
Sam sat on the bed next to dean. He looked over, expecting to see a steaming pot of rage and another argument or maybe a fist ready to fly back at him but all he saw was how tired dean looked. His shoulders were slumped and his body looked defeated. Dean looked up, his eyes glistening. He spoke softly and it stung more than if he had screamed it from a megaphone. "I'm done. With everything. Hunting, demons, hell, heaven. There's nothing here that could keep me breathing because I'm just done. You are the only thing left. I know that I am going to die with a gun in my hand, but you... You see an end to hunting that doesn't involve death. You could go get married, have kids, have a house and a dog... But I don't see how I could let go of this life like you do. My only mission left is to keep you alive. So I'm sorry if I was selfish. I'm weak and I'm not the man you or dad or mom needed me to be, but I'm not afraid of being alone: I'm afraid of losing you. I'm sorry, Sammy."  
Dean looked down and closed his eyes, feeling a tear drip onto his hands that were folded in his lap. Sam flinched and his heart fell.  
He betrayed you, Sam thought.  
Dean's lips shined perfectly in the low light.  
He broke your trust.  
Dean's cheekbones sat like a gods.  
He is your goddamn brother.  
Dean's eyelashes were long and black, glittering with delicate tears.  
Sam couldn't control it anymore.  
He reached over and picked deans face up. Gingerly dean raised his eyes to look into Sam's.  
"I love you, dean."  
Cutting through the tense air, dean grabbed Sam's lower back and pulled him in closer, their lips pressed hard against eachother.


End file.
